MYSTICAL NIGHTS

Mystical the nights r
Whilst I exploreth the words o wisdom in the whispers o this breeze..
Whilst I decode the mystery of the black-ness above me
The stars look at me, As if I was eavesdroppin their love-makin
The moon smiles at me, Whilst I ask " Whats this black doin to me tonight ?
It always does that to me.
Moon said ' listen to the silence me child, Its beautiful, Can u ever see ?
Then y question black, When it does so much good to thee ?
Only if u cud accept the black in the SELF
cud u actually turn colourful outside
We cremate a matter full of " why's "Had it recognized the black-real-self while alive
The fumes wudn hurt much when the soul departs and goes :
" I was black, Y wud u strangle me in one life u cudn live ? Y cudn u jes accept me for what I was and thence cud u love me, Love all.. Now when u actually wanna live the life, Y dyu forget the BLACK in the world " unknown " had told u twas for ONCE.. JUST ONCE ! "

HOW WOULD HE ?

They ask me " Can't he see your pain ? "
I smile and say "How would he ? My pain is just too real.As real as my LOVE. Could he see my love ? " :-)

I TOLD YOU DARLING, MY LOVE IS WILD.

My love, so impure, so wild, so bad
My gobbet's cadaver and blood-blood on the floor
cap-a-pie I stand scandalous and frozen
And there my love knock-knock someone is at the door...
You knew my love, I was never senileNow here is the result-the clandestine death juvenile

Memories pull me back to the tring-tring sound
And my shattered heart; The wound so profound
I was getting dressed, All excited to see you
Thought of giving you a beautiful surprise
Reached that rendezvous terrace
I had worked on it like an espionage
AM flabbergasted my life, To see you naked
and a figure silhouetted, Trapping you in her cage
AM standing all numb, Trying to fool my heart
As it can get cajoled, But not the widely-open eyes

I took three steps back in a fraction of a second
and here I am back in my room
The air so cruel, Its torturing me love
That lump in my throat, That unbearable pain
Tring-tring!! rings my phone; And you admit
You've slept with my dreams, And you admit
You've burnt my skin-with your warm breath-working on her
You admit you have cheated on me...!!!
Tears running down your eyes, And blood oozing from mine
Our silence as the second language, Is trying to talk-trying to cry
AM a scapegoat my love
See what you did to me

Now I know the reason behind that evasiveness
That brusque I got, Every time I confessed that I loved you even more
Those cold lips, Which once wildly tasted mine
Those distant fingers, Always ran through my hair
Those culprit eyes, Once made me go mad
Our entwined bodies, Now never come near
I kept scrutinizing your eyes full of fear
You don't even ask me to forgive you and come back
All you want is to abandon me forever
No more my love-your cozen words can fool me
A last meeting before the end-You agree-I agree

You entered the room, scared of my paper cuts
But I had to punish myself for loving you
You gave me a hug, threw the knife away..STAB! STAB! STAB!...

Silence for a minute and there you fall my impure love
With questioning eyes lookin at my swollen face
YES! I killed you, I told you I had to punish myself
See I don't even know if I should cry-
AM still you cheat-in love with you
That poison is stunning me slowly...I wanna die seeing your lovely face
I wanted to live with you- But see we are dying together

My love, So impure, So wild, So bad
My gobbet's cadaver and blood-blood on the floor
Cap-a-pie I stand scandalous and frozen
And there my love knock-knock someone is at the door...

My eyes flickered twice, And closed forever
The silent air now feels so mild
I loved you throughout my life..I still love you
I TOLD YOU DARLING MY LOVE IS WILD.........

...SURRENDER

And I woke up with a frozen tear on the left corner of my right eye.Tear..How did it even reach there ?I don't cry[Self-proclaimed cold-hearted betch]-I said to myself when a tear protested so much so hard to well up in the left eye either... Damn !! Was I cryin ?I thot I was bein rehabbed all night long..!

Its 8:30 AM,I remember I slept last night 'round 3:oo AM or something, How cud I wake up ?If I have woken up,It can't be me[Told ya,I thot I was bein rehabbed all nite long].. Everybody in the so called heavenly abode is asleep but ME !! I cud sense all this 7 months back that it was the prelude of a game that started and the name was - DECEPTION.Despite knowing everything,Teaching other people how to live a " truth ",I decided to live a short-term lie.7 months-Short term ?? Where each day passed like a lifetime in the world of beauty & fantasy,Where a truth camouflaged a lie & a lie wore a cloak of THE TRUTH,the doctrine ?A fake confidence which was nothing but a sibling of " Desire ".So I finally I gave in to it.It happened as it should have happened,7 months have been nothing but 7 lies in the eyes of my delusive love..Those eyes which tear me off,From head to toe if I ever happen to catch a glimpse.Every day a new definition of lie I wud learn.When it didn't hurt back then,Why are these tears playing with my eyes today?Those messages I saw when I woke up,Have transformed me..Don't know if its for any good or bad ?What I feel at the moment is a feeling so content yet incomplete..A question answered yet left with a set of interrogations..A fulfilled dream of 7 months yet a broken dream..An urge to speak but a determination to give everything from these 7 months a silent ovation.. Lie is sweet unless it disrobes itself.Truth is hard to face thus do I think we fear it,Detest it and avoid it so much.I'd seen mates sulking and whining their woes out.But I don't feel like doin that et al.

I feel much stronger in the head,More positive than ever before.If a lie could give me momentary illusive happy world,A truth could give me atleast few moments of real happy world. I so have experienced the illusion,Now its time to face the truth and to face the world.I can see the arms of the strange world open for me and it summons me with a promise to offer more lessons than my fake-love cud ever do.Lo! Here I surrender myself to the arms of the unknown world from the arms of a DREAM..!

Now,its all about me,Myself and the world ! Where there is no love,I can live without much pain.
Give not,take not..!

--- I wonder if Aphrodite when cheated really thinks like that... :-)

IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS !!

A perfect fantasy - Tousled hair, Red satin frock.. The girl looks so damn perfect with the look in her eyes.. A black tailored suit, White shirt n black tie.. Nicely done hair.. He looks so charming with the smile ! A glass of red wine, An Italian dine.. When he sits on his knee, Makes her a plea, " Would u dance with me beautiful ? " She lifts her satin dress, Stands up for him 2 caress.. The puckered red lips, Hold those hips.. Bring her closer 2 him, With scented candles in the background n lights so dim.. They sway melodiously near the pool.. A perfect couple on which we all'd drool.. He takes out a box, N gifts her a diamond ring, She stands there still, With tears of surprise When he'd sing ........

And I'd give up forever to touch you'

Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

and sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me'

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me'

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am...

She holds him tight n cries on his shoulder

To cry everytime when he'd so lovingly hold her !!!!

SO DAMN PERFECT !!

I AM WHAT I AM.

Hi !!! What did u just say ?!?!? Blimey !!!! U din mean that ... Yeah ???
Well ok, I can defend... I mean I can justify.... U portray me as something I m not... !

A HYPOCRITE ?!?! - I am NOT !!
I just told my best friend that she means the world to me ! But she wont just understand how much I love my black dress she wants to borrow for her 1st date ! Of course I am happy for her ! But I just cant give it !

I still love her ! love isnt in material things ! Is it ??

A LIAR ?!?! - I am NOT !
I just told mom that it was " she " on the line. But what do I do if she abhors my beau ?!?

I just don wanna hurt her ! Well ok, I'll c when I'll have to finally introduce him to her ! We shall c that day.. But that wasn't a lie.. Oh come on, I don wanna hurt her that's it !

A CHEAT ?!?! - I am NOT !
Today the fruit-seller gave me 50 Rs. more.. Ahh ! I love that new " Strawberry shock chapstick " I so wanted to buy it, But I am runnin low on cash this month ! But yeah, I have 50 bucks now !!

I am not cheating him... How come ?!? In fact he cheats mom everyday n sells 'em fruits with filthy rates every morning ! Gimme a break !!

A FLATTERER ?!?! - I am NOT !
Noway ma'am !! U just look perfect ! Moreover, This colour suits u the best.. Infact I never saw u lookin so good as today in all these years of my schooling. By the way, Can u pls re-check this answer ?? I dont suspect yor judgement tho, But has to be the burden on the much trusted shoulders of the staff.. Of course yes ma'am ! U r 1 of the most responsible teachers of our School ! Yes, u just gave me 2 n a half.. Oh thank u so much mam ! Now 4 looks as perfect as u ! Thank u so much !

Flattery ?!? Goddamnit - It was not ! I just cudn't compliment her in these years for I had no guts ! Yeah- I have em today !

A Lover - I really am !
Oh I love u boy ! I really do, I mean it baby ! Ohho, I do, I do, I do ! What ?!?! How dare u say that ?? What dyu think, I cant live without u ?? Come on ! I am everything better boys than u seek for ! U just dont deserve something as perfect as me ! Dont u call me ever !

Oh hello ! I cant let sum1 walk over my " SELF-RESPECT ".. That's it !
I know I shudn't have said all that ! No I did not hurt his self-respect in any manner !! Did I ??

SELF-OBSESSED ?!?! I am- NOT !
Gosh ! Those lovely eyes ! Such full, Sumptuos lips ! I have the best nose ! Daym ! R U sure I look fat in it ?!? Lemme look at myself again ! The mirror is not proper I guess ! Ok, If u say so, Lets go ! CCD ! Yay ! The place 2 b... Can u pls show me the way to the washroom !? Hey how cum u here ? BTW, Do I look ok ??? Awww, Thanks .. But I doubt ! lemme check ! Has 2 b the lights n all, Otherwise I am not so good.. Am I ??? Hey wait, Hello ?! Whos this ? Oh Hi hunie ! What ? Pg 3 ? Well yeah, I rock.. What ??? Go to hell LOSER .. U just donno What I am ! The " Hottest " stuff in the town ! huh

WELL OK !!!!! I ' LL STOP !! I AM WHAT I AM !

I BECKON U BACK IN MY DREAMS LIKE THAT ....

Trust my silence, which speaks a thousand emotions

Don’t say anything, hold my hand tight

Let me take you to the moon tonight

Before you sleep and say good night.

We’ll walk over the moon

Sit on the stars

Say nothing and look into the eyes

Where time has no limits, love has no bars

Let me absorb in your love tonight.

Let me sink in your heart

All I want is you forever

For you I can keep the world apart

Give me your sorrow, give me your pain

Let me kiss your tears; let me bear all your strain.

Unspoken words, feelings not expressed

Days spent silent, sentiments over-whelmed

Little disputes became tragic wars today

Faces in the opposite directions

We shared the same way someday

Lips-sealed tight, silence talks till now

I feel your touch, with every swarm of air

I see your face, those strolls all-slow

In my dreams, I see us like a dove’s pair

Give me a sign of your return, give me my soul, and give me my life!

Open your eyes and now think about it

All that I’ve said so far

Finally, I took the initiative to make amends

Now take one step ahead and clear all my doubts

If I could live without you, I wouldn’t have held your hand

Come closer, give me a smile, and let’s go back to our land.

Trust my silence, which speaks a thousand emotions

Don’t say anything, hold my hand tight

Let me take you back to our world

Where we can smile now

And sleep with a kiss good night!

PYRE ON QUAGMIRE.

In a QUOD
Insomnia QUOTIDIAN
Unicorn QUIXOTIC
Height of QUIP
Broken-love QUINSY
Stained QUILL
Deadly QUIESCENT
Mood QUERELOUS
Surrounding QUEER
Insatiable QUEAN
QUALMS about life's torn QUIRE
Feels like a pyre on QUAGMIRE....

I feel gettin SICK
The world sees me SMILING
I am alone in the nights- SLEEPLESS
Beneath the moon and the STARS
Noone sees the tears so SILENT
The world is turned topsy-turvy and SHRUNK
On the bed I sit curled up, Lookin in the mirror,

TRYING TO KNOW WHY THINGS WENT WRONG..

..AND IT RAINED ... !!!!!

Clouds sailing above your head, Swirling the pool of thoughts ! They look at you with grey eyes about to pour, Then perish with your slightest expression of HOPE, ANTICIPATION and DESIRE ! Eyes fixedly watching the sky, Heart throbbin with pain, Talkin to the man-above UNKNOWN, Please can you cry ?? Can you cry for just one day ?? As this pain in my chest is brimming over the walls of my HEART ! I want to cry, Cry my pain, Woes, Despair and Lonesome out ! Cry with me OH Stranger as all the known ones are so far away, So far that they cant listen to my soul screaming, Callin their names out loud, Beggin and pleadin for them to stop and listen to me once, And once before they go, And once before they go FOREVER !

I know not where do you start from, And know not where is your end, Cuz wherever my gaze turns to break contact with you, I see you are stretched far beyond my vision, Are you the SKY I had been taught of ?? Are you the SKY which has no birth and no death ?? Are you the SKY that covers my planet and still has no end ?? Are you the SKY I cannot see when it rains and WE used to play ?? Then let me tell you fearin the chance that I might offend you, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU TODAY, I wish that you cry, I wish I cud escape from you for a day, GO AWAY. Please GO AWAY.. As I don't have US together under your mighty sheath nomore !

Let my friend come and touch my pale face, Let it drip over my face, Let my tears unite with her, RAIN is her name ! Let them run down, Let them trickle over my body, Let me feel the unison of two lovers, Which combine into one form - WATER when they meet ! A form that cannot be seperated by any means once they've grappled ! Let them mollycoddle my lips, Let them run down to my feet... Let them die on the terrain, Let other pairs take birth and die, Let the cycle repeat on its own, You sit back and watch what they do to me !!

I had not even whined to comfort when the GREY-COVER roared, And it finally RAINED !!!!!!!!!!!

Now that it has, I am lost in that whirlpool of thoughts, The melodious jingle of the droplets, The Swayin of the silhoutted figures of the gulmohar trees, The cackles of thunders and lightnings, The empty lanes clad with bliss, The slam of the doors, The nippy, Ally wind.. The dreary day became a MYSTERIOUS night ! Decoding everything, Yet in a cryptogram ! I closed my eyes, Smiled at the witful oracle of mother nature ! :-)

Thou art abstruse, I drink in thy sanctity
Thou art pure, I breathe in thy PURITY !!!

SILENCE - THE MEDIUM.

I wrote it at 11:01 pm on May 23rd, 2007.

It does unravel certain feelings I wish to smolder, Conceal, Mummify... But " Deeply disturbed " state of mind always takes over .. This is no poem, No song, No soap... Just WORDS ! Nicely - Badly arranged WORDS !

IF THIS IS MY LAST BREATH TODAY,
LET ME LIVE THIS BREATH LIKE LIFE
I DESCEND LIKE CASCADE IN YOUR ARMS,
I HEREBY EXPUNGE MY EXISTENCE
I BREATHE INSIDE U,
I BEAT WITHIN U,
I RUN IN YOUR VEINS,
I DWELL IN YOUR MIND
IF MY NAME IS THE WORD THAT U ALWAYS WISH TO SAY
THEN TELL ME WHY TODAY ARE WE FALLING APART FOREVER ??

YOUR LOVE FOR ME IS MAGNANIMOUS,I ALWAYS FALL SHORT OF WORDS
I EXTOL YOUR DIVINITY MY IDEAL IDOL - PHANTASM
MY EYES SAY ALL THAT WORDS FAIL TO EXPLICATE
MY SILENCE IS MORE PAINFUL THAN A BROKEN HEART
TODAY - LET MY SILENCE BE HEARD...
LET THE SILENCE BE FELT...
LET THE SILENCE BECOME-

OUR EYES-
YOUR EARS AND ....
MY VOICE !!

BLACK

SOMETIMES I WONDER, WHY IS " A " THE START, WHEN WE HAVE LIVED " B " TO THE FULLEST TILL TODAY... ? "B"LACK- CAN IT BE DEFINED EVER ? A SPHINXLIKE EXISTENCE OF THE " BLACK " IN OUR LIFE, ON THIS PLANET, IN THE COSMIC WORLD.. IT TOUCHES THE IRIS, AND NARCOTIZES THE WHOLE BEING ?? WHY ?? WHY IS IT NOT PINK, RED OR ANY OTHER COLOUR ? I WONDER IF RAINBOW COULD LOOK BETTER WITH 7 SHADES OF BLACK ? I WONDER IF NIGHT WASN'T DARK, WOULD IT STILL FEEL SO MYSTIC ? I WONDER IF BLACK WAS THE WHOLE WORLD N BLIND WUD BE US ALL, WUD WE STILL FIGHT FOR INCONSEQUENTIAL ISSUES,WUD WE NOT TOUCH N FEEL, N THUS FEEL N LOVE ?? IS BLACK REALLY HELPFUL FOR " LOVE " OR IS IT JUST BLACK N NOTHING ELSE ????

This is the height of insanity at 3 am.. I know I know, I could've thought of better things instead but those " tremors inside brain " don't seem to leave me since ages !!!